The art of Waiting

Among the many descriptive words one can used to describe a person, I know that patience can hardly be associated with my name. If I'm standing in the queue of a fast food (let's say) and the crew can't get my order right, forget it - call your manager instead. If I asked for an ice tea refill and you ignored me like I was talking to myself- do the same, I will talk to that supervisor. If it will be another person in my situation, they would probably just say their order again or wait some more. Well, I can't. I don't intend to be rude nor I'm angry when I asked for a supervisor- I just don't have the patience (and at times the tolerance). I just can't wait.

The art of waiting is something that I'm learning. I'm action oriented and if I want something to be done- I do it right away. I hate to just sit around and watch events as they unfold them right before my eyes. Much as I raise my brow on people who spend their time doing wishful thinking - like their troubles will go away if they just sit around. There sure is a downside to this but I think the pro's will outnumber the con's so to speak. Yes, it's nice to wait for opportunity and breaks - but why not try going out of your way to proactively look for that opportunity and that break (let's say in career).

It's nice to wait...to take things slow after all there are really situations you can't control and rush but what I'm trying to say is that - people shouldn't fall on the trap of just waiting and waiting. At the end of the day, there are things that needs to be done and you can't accomplish them by simply waiting (more like waiting for somebody to get the job done for you).

Janey-ism

I find it inconvenient to toggle back and forth between two blogs so I decided to delete those and created a new one. This blog is for Ms. Green Girl still but I sort of personalize it a bit.

Moreover, I looking for topics that I can write about. Ahem, Mark - since you are the one who is asking for more, I'm expecting more interesting topic from you. I'm still thinking if I should let you read my private blog - hehe.

Anyways, it's all in here. I just copy and pasted all my entries.

By Request: Tsinelas by Buhay

Mark and I had been talking about writing as a good outlet and while he was making our Christmas posting he asked me to write about a topic and this is it. I had to remind him that I write to express and not to impress but what the heck, the topic sounds good - so I'm giving it a try.

I'm no guru about love and relationship so I have to depend on Mark's and he who should not be named other guy - perspective.

I don't know if ladies are aware of the term "tsinelas ng buhay" - I had to ask the boys to define for me to make sure that I'm understanding them correctly. The term "tsinelas ng buhay" are usually used by playboys. They use this term to refer to that single lady they come home to after they are done "playing around". I am well aware that ladies are far more liberated nowadays (Philippine setting only) and needless to say, very much empowered. So there are really ladies who agree on such set up - boy-girl relationship (there's really a commitment; FUBU's/Friends with Benefits set up is not included in the definition); another girl comes along- no strings attached (just for fun thingy).

Why are you doing this - that's the next question I had to asked out of curiousity of the explanation of such a behavior. I can only think of one - boredom - and yes, they validated that one. Boys do get bored of the routinary things involved in a boy-girl relationship. They wanted to try other flavors so to speak (like ladies are some sort of an ice cream). Whatever the reason maybe, girls shouldn't be flattered at all when someone refer to them as their "tsinelas ng buhay" - that they are the woman their boyfriend prefers to come home to at the end of the day...that after their guys have tried other set of shoes - they still come home to that old pair of slippers that they are very much comfortable with. This is no complement. Guys can sugarcoat their stories, rationalize and what not - this is still cheating you know. This is betrayal of one's trust, of one's love and an insult to the person that lady is. Ladies may have their inadequacies, tell me who doesn't, just like guys have their imperfections. But this is not enough reason, no reason at all for such a behavior. Should ladies feel lucky if you reason to them that after all the playing around, you still chose them over the other? That's too shallow for a justification, isn't it? Ladies should know better that they are not kids anymore that can be bribe with candies or chocolates.

Respect. Honesty. Commitment. Those I think are the essentials for a relationship to work. Once there's betrayal of trust - that relationship will go nowhere.

Mark, I tried to hear out both sides - I just can't. You said it yourself - this is not good. So there goes my warning to all my ladies. wink***

Bits and Pieces (Part II)

**** Kibaw bamo, dili nindot mag recycle ex boyfriends, ang tawag dira kay basurera!

Someone asked me to read the blog of her best friend and I was caught by the line that was written in there, so I end up writing about it. Just a little background of her story. She and her ex-boyfriend had broken up a long time ago but somehow the guy still wants to hang out with her. To cut the long story short, one of her trusted her friend is now dating the guy. The friend who is going out with the guy is the same person who used to tell her to break up with the guy since he is a jerk. Moral of the story: I want your jerk boyfriend so break up with him. Nice.

Going back to the topic, at some point we will be so-called "basurera" because our boyfriends was someone else's boyfriend first before they come our way. But figuratively and literally speaking, I think she has driven a warning to all the ladies. We all be basurera, yes - that's a given - but make sure that the guy you are picking is not a jerk - not a trash.

**** Make sure your happiness is not someone else's MISERY!

I love Friday shift not only that it's the last day of work, it's also the time where countless conversation about anything and everything about love and life occurs between me, Lovely, Nazel and even Manong Mark.

We were in the pool side last Friday when we were talking about Lovely's adventure when she was still working in a cruise ship. As our conversation progresses, we end up talking about relationships (the most exciting topic amongst ladies). We were sharing stories of infidelity, lost love and all sorts. I'm not the most experienced lady when it comes to this stuff, in fact I can very well claim that I am very inexperienced. But I pointed out one very simple idea when it comes to matters of the heart: Make sure you happiness is not someone else's misery. If a relationship started in the wrong foot, it's eventually doom to fail.

**** To search within (inspired by Malou)

A good friend of mine, Malou, recently flew to Singapore to find a job. We were talking the other night and she was laughing to herself saying that she was insane of flying to another country when most people are going home due to the global economic crises that we are currently experiencing. She said that her trip is not simply to look for a job but to search within. She badly wanted to escape the box life that she have here in Bacolod.

I have countless conversation about my future plans with my parents and I totally understand where she is coming. Time and again, I kept telling my parents that Bacolod is my comfort place. I can always go back in here anytime I want to - this is my home. I still wanted to do so much and I know there are a lot more that I can do. I know what I want, I have always been clear on the things that I wanted to achieve but somehow I'm still stuck.

So yes, I need to search within if I still want the same things. Moreover, I need to gather my act and start working on it already.

Defense Mechanism

Defense Mechanism.

Across cultures, individuals have varied ways of coping. Let me define what defense mechanism is - It is a Freudian theory which states people used them in order to safeguard the mind, feelings and thoughts of thing that are too difficult for the conscious mind to cope with. In some instances, defense mechanisms are thought to keep inappropriate or unwanted thoughts and impulses from entering the conscious mind (http://psychology.about.com).

Needless to say that we all have experience some form of anxiety. I have been here and there lately, hearing this and that and I have bumped into some anxious people (at some point lately, I have been one myself). I was mentally keeping some notes in my mind of the common forms of defenses that one commits in order to cope with stressing situation and here is my list:

1. Denial - I would not define it anymore, it is self explanatory. It is the most common and most popular of all the DM's. We commit them almost instanteously the moment that's something unpleasant comes our way, lines like - I don't think what I did is wrong; I don't really like him (but the face says otherwise); I have nothing to do with what happened.

2. Rationalization - Simply put, this DM means that a person denies in a more logical way so to speak. We also refer to this mechanism as justification. Ex: I miss passing my assignment on time because I was baby sitting my younger sister; I did ace the exam because I did not study hard enough; I cheated on my boyfriend because he is not spending more time than he should; It was just a kiss, we were just drunk....excuses, excuses, excuses - although some of this excuse maybe true (I'm not sweeping generalization), others give them for the sake of justifying their actions.

3. Projection - This involves taking our own unacceptable qualities or feelings and ascribing them to other people. Ex: We strongly dislike a person and instead of making the effort of knowing that person - you think right away that the person hates you (which is not at all the case ). You are simply projecting your emotion to the person and you make your self believe that he feels antagonistic towards you.

4. Reaction Formation - this defense reduces anxiety by taking up the opposite feeling. Best way to explain this is - when a person who dislike someone strongly will treat that person with excessive kindness. We can say that this defense works in contrary with projection because in this case, to hide the dislike one treats that person nicely.

The list would be long but I think this are the common ones (although you have to tailor fit which defense mechanism to use in a certain stressful situation). To commit this defenses is not wrong, in fact it helps us to be flexible and be more adaptive to our environment. But just like anything else in this world, too much/ excessive practice of something is always detrimental. We can resort to this defenses to cope with stressing situations but one must be careful --- don't commit this too much otherwise, instead of being adaptive you become maladaptive.

Nuff said.

Bits and Pieces

I am a psychology major and back in college our professors used to tell us that there are two kinds of people who take up such course: (1) the one who wants it and (2) the one who needs it. My life is not perfect, I had my shares of struggles (who doesn't) but what I'm saying is that, it's far from a telenovela like the others. I know that I am lucky with a lot of things and life has been good to me (so far). So I guess, I belong to the first group.

Among the many theories and principles and schools of thoughts that I have learned, by far, the one that I find very practical and undoubtedly useful is the idea of owning one's emotions. Numerous studies can proved that in any psychological setting, it is very crucial that one should own her/his emotions. Intervention to a troubled kid, alcoholics, failing marriage would not be possible if the person involve will not own the feeling that indeed, they have a problem and they need help.

Simply put, this dynamic asks us to be truthful with our very own selves. In a word, it is asking a person to be HONEST - no lying, no bullshits to thyself. I know it's hard. It's always easier said than done but try it, try admitting to yourself that simple thing you are pushing to your subconscious, I guarantee, you will feel a whole lot better.

I...

I laugh
I bleed
I cry
I love
I believe
I win
I lose
I trust
I smile
I approve
I criticize
I nag
I even whine
I speak out my mind
I argue
I disagree
I insist
I persuade
I risk
I tease
I flirt
I annoy
I understand
I care
I give
I fight
I get tired
I falter
I stand up once more...

....this and more
... the complexities that the person I am
You, how complicated are you?

A slice of wit bread, please.

This is the original text from the blog of Green Girl:

Not being able to think straight is not my style. But somehow, you manage to turn my brain into a lump of useless gray matter. How inconvenient. I need my intellectual abilities back. I sure hope you'd return it to me.

There are bags under my eyes the size of a small country (that is directly proportional to the distance between us). I speak only gibberish now. I forget my well-rehearsed lines on cue. I burn the way we all burn.

Just so you know, I blame you.


Green Girl, here's my version:

Not being able to think straight is just not me. But somehow, you manage to turn my brain into a lump of useless gray matter. What's happening to me? I need my intellectual abilities back. Solution: Hibernate somewhere and get that vacation.

There are no bags under my eyes but since when is sleep so hard to do. I speak gibberish now and my friends are raising their brows on me.

Just so you know, I don't blame you. It's not your fault that I like you and I intend to let you know.

What makes me Tick -

What makes me tick? A very interesting question that was raised by someone recently. So here, since you got me thinking about that question - I'm going to answer it.

What makes Jane tick? Contrary to common notion that I am a high maintenance lady so to speak - that is not really the case. What does it take for a guy to win my interest? Here it is, I'm going to tell you.

One need not take me to fancy restaurant, you can cook for me or we can eat in a fastfood and order me a large fries that would make the trick. You don't have a to own to car, I don't mind commuting so don't worry about it. Let's take a walk in the park and talk about anything and everything, I'm cool with it. Lazy afternoons, let's grab that coffee in the cafe, read perhaps or if not, watch the people as they come in go. Weekends, we don't have to go out all the time, we can watch that basketball game in the television, listen to some music or movie marathon perhaps? Or if not, we can play that video game that you like just teach me first how to play it. We can drive in circles or take me to the nearest beach and let's see the sunset.

If you are up for it, you can make met my friends and see how crazy we can get. Dance with me, sing with me, laugh with me and if the moment calls for it, you can even kiss me. The list would be long but more than anything, just be yourself....

To Ms. Green Girl

It is nothing but appropriate to give credit to the person who persuaded me to post my blog publicly. Sige na lang gani. And although she does not want to be named – she calls herself ‘Green Girl” – so, guys, who’s has the greenest mind in the LC group – that is your clue.

To Ms. Green Girl, here it is. The blog that you have been asking for, for quite some time now, I apologize if it took me years. I was hesitant at first, since I have to re-read and edit from of these but in actually, I did very little revision. I thought that it would be best if I will actually let you read them the way I originally wrote them.

I have a couple of entries, not yet posted. There’s still in my notebook where I originally wrote them – if you are just near, I’ll let you type them – kapoy man bala ay... Oh well, if I may borrow you words, I write to EXPRESS and not to IMPRESS…so before anything else, sorry to those whose creative minds I won’t excite (I don’t intend to).

So, Ms. Green Girl – ready for my confessions and untold stories? wink***

Sleepy

4th day of work and I have not sleep well, I only slept for 2 hours and that was it. I was up all day long. My brain is still functioning though, otherwise i would not be able to make sense at all (oh, am i making sense at all in here? - i don't know and i don't care). I have been bugging people, chatting with friends, reading blogs, listening to music and now, the only remedy I have so that i will not completely dose off is to type, type and type. I think I'm pretty preoccupied lately that's why I'm having a hard time sleeping, for reasons why, it maybe varied. But seriously, I'm preoccupied with work, career stuff and some major decisions around the corner. As early as now I am already weighing my options and checking here and there. I know I can still do so many bigger things - I'm that confident because when it comes to work and skills I know how competent I can get and how driven I am. 6 months is not too long a time before we know it, we will all bid goodbye to another year that is 2008 and say hello to 2009. Time fly so fast and with each passing day, week and months, I'm getting eager to see the world and explore it. Bacolod is my comfort zone and I know that when things get tough out there, this is the place that I will come home to but i do realize that I am not getting any younger and therefore, do the things that my heart is telling me to do. I think I have slack off too much already and I have settle and do everything that I'm supposed to do in here. I guess it's high time to kick some ass and see the world..wink*** that's it for 06:38AM 08/22/08

Thinking out loud...

When good things happen in my life and i start talking about it, i get jinx...funny but somehow this has been happening to me for the last couple of times... Coincidence, maybe? or is it me?.. lol.. Now, I'm setting some career plans and goals and although some friends know about it, I'm trying my mighty hard to keep the details to myself (for how long, I don't know) I guess what I'm really trying to say and the moral that I'm learning through all of this is that, at times it is better to simply shut up and I need not go ahead of myself (am I??) There are things in life that are better keep unsaid. There are things that better keep in a certain way. I don't really buy the idea of me getting jinxed all the time but I'm learning to take things slower this time and not become impatient. I'm learning to hear the music before its over (yikes, I think I read that from some text message or something- but I agree to it, hehe). I'm learning to enjoy the ride and not rush things. The realization list of the things I'm learning would be long but bottom line is, I am recognizing such learning and not just getting pass at them... that's it for 082008 12:54AM

Bestfriends

We all have friends, even a person whom we call a loner has met at least one person in his life that he have considered as a friend at one point or the other. I have always held a strong conviction within me that I am blessed when it comes to friends. In the last 21 years of my life, I have met friends which i can trust with all of heart and who knows what's going through in my mind before i could even say a word. Friends are real treasure and i would love to believe that i know how to keep them (ahem, girls - do i?, hehe). I have always encouraged my friends to do their best, cheer them up when they are down, cry with them when they have heartaches, laugh our hearts out. They are like my sisters, my partners in crime and my confidant. When I was in elementary i was lucky to have Jacqueline in my life. During our high school years, we had some fading away although we are still studying in the same school. My circle of friends change since I was in the best class but still, we made it a point to still call each other and update one another although again, we do not hang out that much. If i bumped into her mother once in a while, I can still feel the fondness that she has for me. I love tita Marj, she's really cool. Jackie is one of the sweetest person that i have met, needless to say, one of the genuine gals too..

Highschool, it was a different story, I have friends who are girls but i was closest to RV my guy bestfriend and I fondly address him as Best (corny - but he likes it that way). He is the one who started the nickname thing anyway and from that time on forward i call him by that name unless I'm mad at him or i want to get his attention then i would call him by his firstname or his other nickname. Having a guy bestfriend was really fun because I always get what I want (he let's me get what I want always). I always get my way and he admits that he had been giving in to all my wishes to the point that he never says no. What Jane wants, Jane gets it. I can still remember the days that we would go to a mall and I get to choose which card to give to his crush, which kind of flower is he going to get for her or if she will give her a chocoloate or a teddy bear (I can't help but smile thinking again of how it was back then). High school had been memorable to me, 4 years that was spent wisely and it was a fun ride all the way. College have to be the most interesting years of my life though. I have meet 4 other beautiful people, will just 3 technically because i know Chia way back in high school. We were classmates and had been friends way back but in college I got to say that we got closer and the group got bigger with Sedneth joining us. I still remember that she used to be this shy girl that would hardly talk...lol.. Sed, Lovelyn, and Irene used to be in the same group but the other 2 (Irene and Love) join a different class for Accounting leaving Sed and so, Chia and I, we kind of adopt Sed in since we go to the same Accounting class. That's where it all started. When we started to taking in our major classes the five of us were inseparable (literally).

I missed the girls. The laughs, the endless conversations which we termed as "reflection papers" when we talked about life, plans and so much more. I miss them so much, the talks till it's dawn, the sleepovers, the movie marathon, the getaways. After graduation we kind of part ways, Irene and Chia went to Manila and decided to work there. I would love to do the same but I'm stuck in Bacolod since I still have some obligations in here. I badly miss them, time spent with them is just simply amazing. So girls, if you are reading them, it's time to get that much needed vacation... 071108 06:21 AM

Pro-choice

I have a friend who writes and post her blogs in livejournal and i have an account there as well but i prefer to put my blogs here... What i write here are actually pretty random and its more of free writing...just typing and typing everything that comes into my mind while listening to a music, attending in a meeting (don't tell my boss, okay). I don"t edit them unless there are typographical errors otherwise, I wouldn't understand even my own writing (i just feel like explaining)..hehe.. Anyway, this friend of mine, her name is Yummy, asked me what's my take on friends with benefits which would be her next article (oh, let me correct myself, she's done writing actually..hehe) and during our conversation I told her that i am not against the friends with benefits set-up, just like I am not against premarital sex .. Being an open-minded person that I am I really don't see anything wrong with the set-up. I am pro-choice, and as such, whatever situation, scenario that one is in, there are always choices which you can choose from. I guess, my only concern is that, the people who prefers to engage in such a complex set up would be responsible enough for the consequences of their actions. Other than that, I got nothing more to say..071008 0617AM

Let's keep it Simple

Things in life is pretty simple and I always believe that it's the people who make things complicated... Let's just say, that is the principle that i live with... others may disagree with me and i'm fine with that, after all, we live in a free society where freedom of expression is very much practiced... so where am I? Oh, as i was saying.. I have always been having difficulty understanding people to the point that i get annoyed.. A friend told me that she broke up with her boyfriend, then she goes around keeps whining that she's okay with it but boy, drop the topic will you...what you are whining about if you are not affected? Tell me, because I simply do not get it all. Make me understand puuuhhhleassseeee...You keep claiming that you are a grown up so why do I have to listen to all your complain for the Nth time.. You seriously needs some growing up to do. The simple and naked truth in life is that its basically black and white..there is no such thing as gray area and it's the people who can't be decisive enough who are putting things in gray area. If your boyfriend dumped you, it's either an issue on his part or yours. Plain and simple. Black and white. Something he did or you did. Your lack of whatever it is or his inability of who knows what. I don't know if it is my lack of experience when it comes to relationship that im having such a short fuse on this kind of matter, I don't know. I'm trying my best to understand but somehow, I'm not fully understanding it. 071008 0536AM

I'm sorry -

Last week was a catastrophe and it sure tested the patience of my supervisor... I was such a beeyoch and a brat at the same time. We transferred work place for the nth time already and it would have been a smooth sailing transfer if only our damn tools (the programs that we used - sorry for cursing) did not act up. It took us hours before we can work decently.. Oh well.. turned out we cannot really work decently because the sound card in our pc's are sooooooo obsolete that they too are not working.. We cannot blame IT at all.... But i, the great me, was just whining all the time, grrrrr... (one thing that frustrates me a lot is when i am not in control of things - bad,bad,bad) but anyway, to cut the long story short, we did not talk for at least a week and today we did..hehehe.. he's like an older brother to me so not talking to him is quite sad and i do admit that it was my fault.. he tried his best to make the transition smooth but he himself has no control of such just like I did.. What was the you said again Mark, oh, he was just weathering the storm and just letting it pass by, i guess i did the right thing (making the first attempt to talk to him - all I did was say Hi Manong and he was grinning back at me..hehe) So, we are good now.. That's it for 070408.

Unbelievable

I have been in this industry for more than a year and this is my very first job... I have been in a meeting today and the people who are supposed to be my boss - tsk, tsk, tsk - this really surprises me... How can they expect people who are below the hierarchy to do such a great job when they themselves is doing such a lousy work... I can't help but be amazed on the kind of people we have in here... Oh well, let it be... For as long as I'm doing what I'm tasked to do, I guess, I just have to learn to let things be... Just don't you dare point figures on the wrong people when clients get mad..

One of those days

This is one of those days - first day of work, lots of emails to read and reply on, doing the usual stuff, do your quota for the day and leave the office and go home and the routine goes on and on... I've been doing this job for over a year now and I cannot say that I am not happy - it's just that the routine of doing the same thing over and over again is slowly taking its toll on me... I guess it always gets like that, i mean, where's the fun if you get to do the same job over and over and even if you close your eyes you know you will get the job done... too much familiarity... too much routine.. Oh well, I guess the challenge is for me to enjoy the job while it last, I don't intend to stay that long anyway, and hopefully - in time, I will get the job that will really stimulates and will drive me.. So, anyone who would like to hire me.. that's it for today 6-24-08.