"BER" Months

In an hour or so, the "ber" months are once again here. I don't know what the last four months of this year has in stored for me; it's giving me a mix feeling. Part of me is anticipating, part of me is scared. I'm partly hopeful, partly doubtful. I'm optimistic but I'm also realistic (given the events of the past, I can't just help it). Will the remaining months of the year be a blessing or what? I'm standing in the middle and I don't know what it's going to be. A big part of me is screaming... let's get this done and over with.

So please, let's get this done and over with.

Lovesick

I can't aptly put in words my feelings last Sunday night. I don't know if I was sleeping too much the day before (but then I can't seem to get enough sleep) that the only thing I can do is tossed and turn on the bed that my sister and I is sharing.

I was having one of those nights. I was missing him terribly. It's a longing I can't named. A longing that makes breathing hard and all there is left to do is cry. So cry I did. I cried myself to sleep and woke up with the most beautiful voice there is, his voice (all tired and exhausted from doing the lawn work). The voice that gives me all sorts of beautiful feeling.

How can I miss him so much when I have only not talk to him for a couple of hours? I don't know. I myself is often amazed of how much. I missed him enough that it can bring tears to my eyes. I loved him so much that it can bring tears to my eyes. How on earth can I stop this tears from falling? Tsk tsk tsk, I'm so lovesick.

Opinion - Passivity

It's nothing but normal for people to have an opinion of you. It's inevitable. It's human nature. Once you open your mouth, once you act in a certain way and react in a certain manner; people will always say something whether elicit or illicit. Therefore, it's imperative that we keep an open mind. Know when and when not to listen. Know how to filter out information because most of the time, one-third of the story is already an add-on to the original one. Know how to confirm an information. And most importantly, be receptive whether it is good or not.

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I don't know what's with confrontation that people hate it so much. Is it because according to Jean Jacques- Rousseau we are innately good? Hence, we rather shut up our mouth and be passive in hope that issues will be resolved on its own. I have nothing against passive people, I reckon they are the peacemaker of this world.

But when passivity affects certain aspects of a person's life such as work and personal relationship, I see no good in that. I hope my colleagues will learn how to assert themselves once in a while, there's no harm in that. Passivity is not always the answer, it rarely is.

Little Things

A former colleague from work and I had a talk last night. He asked me if I can go out from work and spend some time with him, I said yes. Turns out he and his girlfriend just broke up. After telling me the preliminaries, I then asked him proverbial question of why and why not.

As I was listening to the reasons that he gave to me and the "she said" version of the story, I can't help but point out that it's always the little things. It's the little things taken for granted by the other person that often accumulates and then after some time, things blow up. It's the simple issue that are put aside in hope that the other person will just drop it instead of sitting down and discussing it. It's as simple as not being able to compromise to give way to the other person.

Quite ironical isn't it? These simple things could have been easily avoided and resolved but why is it so hard sometimes. Why is it easier to simply shut up even if there's something wrong? Why is it hard to lay down certain terms and just be honest with what you want? Why is it so hard to give five minutes and call that person? Why? I don't know.

But as a cliche would have it - If there's a will, there's a way. So true. The relationship ended because the couple involved simply give up to work it out. I guess it was inevitable. Some good things has just to end. Sad. But in his case, a heartbreak can be solved by a hearty meal. What a jerk. Peace out =)

Beware, Beware

Beware of a person who acts like your friend but then back bites you after. Beware of a person who is only after of what she can get from you and after getting it will gossip you around. Beware of a two-face person.

I don't know how it started or what was the root of all this issue. I don't know how it came about. What I know is that one day, one agent approach me and told me something and I give him a questioning look.

I have no prior knowledge of this certain incident among with the many others that had occurred but what I do know now is that, the rumor that has reached me is not just a rumor after all, it's true. When I ask the person involved if such 'walk out scene' happened, she said it did and I can only ask her why the rest of the team did not know this. A peace keeper that she is, she chose to let it pass hoping that such won't happen again. But sadly, that has not been the case in the two weeks or so.

I just cited one concern out of the many that I have been hearing and confirming. But somehow this is enough to tell me that she is not the person I thought she were after almost two years of working with each other. I wonder what the team did to her. She was all good to us all this time and now that she left the department, she just changed drastically.

Well here is my piece of advice to you. Power tripping is fun but wait till it gets back at you. You've turned into this airhead woman when in fact, you have not proven anything. You position right now doesn't give you any right to gossip the department where you came from. The same department that sharpen what little thing you have before and now you are bragging as if you are that good. Practice some humility will you? You are not higher nor are we lower than you...it's a lateral transfer, do you know what that means? LATERAL. Meaning, you and the rest of the team is just the same.

Don't think so highly of yourself, kindly tone it down for the time being. And even if one day you will be that accomplished, kindly practice some good manners. Going around and telling people gossips will not get you far, soon it will even catch up on you.

Hard To Live Without

A sudden realization struck me after I lost my internet connection at work. I can't live without my messenger. Take all the tools that I need, increase my quota I don't care just don't take away my messenger. Ahhh. All of a sudden I got anxious and was fretting. Good thing my YM works, I rarely used it but still - it was better than having nothing at all.

I take a certain comfort in the knowledge that even if Anton is far away he wouldn't be so unreachable if I see him online. That I can always talk to him if something comes up but without it, I feel so helpless.

I hate the fact that I'm getting too dependent on this technology. I hate the fact that I need it so much. But truth is, my days will be so awful if the system will be down. So please IT, no more system issue please....

You Have To

How do you let go of something you really want?

By far, it is one of the most difficult question I have to answer. It's always a constant battle of heart and mind. Our hearts will tell us to hold on and our logical mind will tell us to stop and move on. Where do we draw the line? It's very hard to tell. But if there's one thing that I want you to think right now, I want you to think of yourself.

I have been an audience of this love story for quite sometime now, I say anything to you unless you asked for my opinion but perhaps now is the time for me to speak up. You have been there for him and have been so understanding every time. Now more than ever I want you to be there for yourself. I want you to think of yourself and do yourself a favor. You deserve so much better and I don't think I can entrust you to that guy forever.

How can I entrust you to him when he acts so foolishly and expects you to just forgive him all the time? How can I entrust you to him when he is so insensitive of your feelings? How can I entrust you to him when he hurt you and show no remorse after? How can you entrust yourself to someone who only loves his self?

How do you let go of something you really want then? Because you have to. Because if you don't, you will be more miserable. Because you shed more tear more than you laugh. Because if you don't, you will lose yourself. Because you're the only one who wants this and he is not willing to do his share of the bargain. Because you are becoming someone you don't want to be.I think that's enough reason.

I know how much you love him and I know how painful it is (it's breaking our hearts too) but I think this is for the best. If only I can ease your pain even just momentarily I would. But we know that's not possible nevertheless, rest assured that I'm here anytime you need me.

PS: Just when you thought that the pain is so unbearable and you can't do it anymore, trust me, you'll find it deep within you the strength you never know you have before. Never underestimate yourself. Cry a bucket if you must. It's okay not be okay, it's okay to wallow, it's okay to get mad at some point, it's okay to reconsider getting back at him but all will be well in time. Just hang in there. This decision has been tough (we know) and I think it's really for the best.

And my house is always open if you need a change of environment and if you need anything, I'm just here. Love you!

Hush Hush

I'm making the most out of my time, I can't avoid the inevitable (and I'm not avoiding it) in fact, I'm embracing what lies ahead of me with open arms. I have no hesitation or whatsoever with what the future has in store for me, all I'm certain is that, I want to spend my entire life with him.

My bucket list includes the following and I have to do them before the year ends:

• Partying a lot with my best friends and girl friends
• Pampering my parents and my sister
• Do spontaneous fun things
  

I was able to do one of them already but partying is not over yet, more to come. Here are some pics:

Happy Birthday Gabby!

Jhian Gabrielle who we fondly call Gabby turns 1 year old last August 8 and as always, she was simply adorable on her birthday. She's as pretty as her mom and her Ninang, hehe.

Sleepover

I'm back to work later tonight, sigh. Work again? I wish I had another day to just stay home and stay in bed and watch tv and simply do nothing. What can I do, it's raining hard - it's the perfect time to just sleep and sleep and sleep.

Weekend has been great. Louie, Aira, Lovelyn, Sedneth and Lyka spent the night in my place. Lyka will be staying in Bacolod for a couple of days and it was great as always to see her. We spend the night just talking and eating and laughing, there was nothing much we can do since the power was out due to bad weather. It is one of those simple things you do with great friends (sleepover) yet it is so much fun.

With all of us working, it's kinda hard to set a schedule where everyone is free to met up. But then again, I guess someone has just to take responsibility in setting up our meeting and Louie, being the only guy in the group was appointed to do such. See yah soon guys, hopefully next weekend =).