Re: Biatch Mode

Perhaps, I've been hasty in writing my last blog and I have not been that specific as to why I'm writing it and to whom. Reading it a couple of times today, I realize that I have been in a way insensitive. If there's one thing that I hate making you feel that is - insecurity. There are times that I can't help but it's never intentional. I'm so sorry. I love you!

Biatch Mode

We go through life searching for that one thing - we all want to love and be love in return. But searching for that one person is awfully hard, needless to say painful oftentimes. Every time you took a risk with someone, you also open yourself to countless possibilities of getting hurt. Crap right? I know, I know. That's why some women try as much as possible to be rational about it, delaying the inevitable as much as they can.

But isn't it too much of a crap when you're finally taking a chance with someone yet that person is so coward to take the jump? Some guys just don't know a good thing when they have it. It's already served in front of them in silver platter yet they choose to ignore it. And there are some that are playing too safe - scared of the word "C" yet they want you always to be on their side, what's that - oh, I call that "safety net", "security blanket".

I'm not sweeping generalization nor am I saying that this is only the fault of the male species but what I'm saying is that, we - the female species are the ones that should be "fickle minded" or indecisive so if a man throw a fit such a this, oh boy (with eyes rolling) something must be definitely wrong.

So to all my ladies out there, let me give you my take on the matter. If you're interested with someone who is just in it for the "meantime", I suggest, pack up and leave. You deserve better and there's no use lingering around with someone who ain't got a ball. You are not a meantime girl, therefore, do yourself a favor. You are not either his f*cking buddy so please...turn your back and don't look back - EVER!

Life is too short, as for me, I don't have the time to wait till he grows up. I'm not willing to wait for someone whose making me last in his priority list. I don't want to linger around and steadfastly pray for some miracle till he has a changed of heart. Ain't that pathetic? I'm willing to make sacrifices only to some extent. Whatever it takes it's not in my vocabulary. Perhaps, what I'll do is leave for the time being and once he's ready (once he made up his mind that it's me that he wants, perhaps, just perhaps, i might - cause seriously, this kind of guys deserve no second chance).

Lastly, to all piece of sh*t guys in this world - I'd say - Shut the f*ck up you *ss and stay out of my way.

My Playlist

So what if IT blocked me from Youtube? Perhaps it was best that they did that, I guess I will be more productive... which by the way I highly doubt. Getting my cute butt to work is more of a personal thing and I don't think blocking me has any relevance to that at all. I rest my case already, I guess I'm running out luck and charm cause they won't budge.

This has been a slow day for me, the hours seems to be longer than usual so I resort to ---music and blog hopping. Well, I'm sharing to you one my playlist in Deezer. I have no preference when it comes to music, I listen to all sorts of genre. For as long as it does not include yelling/shouting/screaming which by the way is not music but noise, I can take it.

• Leaving on a Jet Plane by Attila Fias (This is one of the soundtrack of the movie Armageddon)
• I Try by Macy Gray (This has to be her best song, a major hit of her)
  
• Officially Missing You by Tamia (Brings out my sappy side)
• No Woman, No Cry by Bob Marley (Yes, I do appreciate reggae music)
  
• Torn by Natalie Imbruglia (Brings back high school memories for some reason)
• Dance with my Father (This is such a sweet song, simply love it)
  
• Angel of Mine by Eternal (Now I know why they say the best things are free- one of my fave line in this song )
• Jenny from the Block by Jennifer Lopez (This is the only song of her that I liked, there's something in the beat that makes me want to dance, hehe)
  
• Stickwitu by PCD (This song goes out to one person, funny memory)
  
• Accidentally in Love by Counting Crows (Shrek the Movie, this song makes me smile)
  
• Karma by Alicia Keys (What goes around, comes around... she's really great on the keyboard)
• Insensitive by Jann Arden (My ringtone also for quite sometime now, hehe)
• Irreplaceble by Beyonce (Got nothing to say, it's just in my list)
  
• Baby I Love Your Way by Big Mountain (Sweetie, listen to this version, this song is for you)
  
• Teenager by My Chemical Romance (Audrey, can you sing this for me? You are better than MCR)
• I Need You by Leann Rimes (One of my favorite love song)
  
• The Scientist by Coldplay (What a sad song but it gets into me everytime I listen to it)
• I Could Not Ask For More by Edwin McCain (If a guy sing this song to me, I'll melt and faint, lol)

I'll stop there, I have to fix my stuff and go home. Hopefully next time, I will have a more sensible subject than writing about my playlist, hehe.

From Your Little Girl No More

I know that you are worried about me but let me assure you I'm okay... I will be okay no matter what happened.

I know that you have apprehensions, I can't take that way from you but I will be okay.

I know that you are highly doubtful but for always, I'm asking you to trust my decisions just like you have trusted my previous ones, if this fails, I will be okay.

I know that I'm asking too much from you, the last thing you want is to see me get hurt but if it's meant to be that way, so be it, again, I will be okay.

Rest assured that I know my limitations, I know my boundaries, I know where I stand in all of this.

Rest assured that I still have the courage to let it go when the need arise.

I know your fears, I can see it in your eyes, I can feel it in your actions but believe me when I say, I will be okay.

At the end of the day, I know you have my back. I know you will be there no matter what, so I will be okay.

Happy Birthday Sed

Sweet 16, every girl is looking forward for that age. 18 - debut, you are officially a lady so to speak, you are allowed to drive, to vote, to go to clubs and get drunk - in short, minor no more. 22 - Nothing's spectacular about that age except, you are getting old.

Here are some of our fave songs (don't cry okay - peace):

Keep smilin', keep shinin'
Knowin' you can always count on me, for sure
That's what friends are for
For good times and bad times
I'll be on your side forever more
That's what friends are for

Well, you came and opened me
And now there's so much more I see
And so by the way I thank you

---------------------------------------------------

I can live, I can love
I can reach the heavens above
I can right what is wrong
I can sing just any song
I can dance, I can fly
And touch the rainbow in the sky
I can be your good friend
I can love you until the end

You know that you'll always have me, no matter what. Happy Birthday Baby Dams!

The Best Ang Tatay Ko

Daddy, Dada, Papa, Tatay - call them whatever you want but without them, you and I will not exist in this world.

Sunday morning - Father's day he step into our room and give me and my sleeping sister a kiss on our forehead...yes, that's how sweet our father is. I can't find a word to describe how grateful I am to him for everything he has done to me and my sister. In my 22 years of existence, he has almost almost been everything to me. He has been my....

• Alarm clock - he makes it a point that I get to class on time. During my primary years, he would prepare my bath, wakes me up and prepare my clothes.
• Nanny - he makes it a point that I get all my stuff ready - assignments, lunchbox, snacks, water, name it.
  
• Driver - up to this point, our safety is a major concern. Back then, we used to commute he makes it a point that I get to school safely and picks me up after class. Now that I'm older, he still does the same thing. Night out? - one call away, he will be there to pick me up.
• My number 1 fan/supporter - he encourages me to explore greater heights, he never stopped me from anything that I wanted. He never question my decision and he has complete faith in me. I've never known a father who can trust so much to her daughter, but yes, Papa has complete trust in me and although it still puzzles me, I'm grateful that he is.
  
• Best friend - I was always closed with him. My mom is the so-called disciplinarian so every time I do something silly as a kid, I run to him for refuge. Boy trouble, believe it or not, it's him that I run too.
  
• Mentor/teacher - When confused, it's him that I go too. Life has been so much easier because of his guidance. I never strayed away because he was always there to guide my path.
  

I am the person I am today because of his great work and guidance. Papa, you are the best father that I can ask for. For always, me and Lean will try to make you proud.

I've come to realize...

Malou, thanks for sharing this with me. It's my turn to complete the statements =)

1. I've come to realize that my boobs... just have the right size for a petite girl like me.

2. I've come to realize that my job... is something that I have been doing for two years now; not exactly the most exciting job on earth but pays well that I'm able to pay the bills.

3. I've come to realize that when I'm driving...my father is scared cause I have the tendency to drive fast (he doesn't want to teach now so I'm forced to take driving lessons - grrr).

4. I've come to realize that I need...to give time to myself; pamper myself a little (as Louie would have it, "Janey, you're being selfish with yourself").

5. I've come to realize that I've lost...nothing.

6. I've come to realize that I hate it when...people that are supposed to take lead do nothing; in short, no backbone to stand up for people who need them.

7. I've come to realize that the person I like...are those people who can carry sensible conversation and who knows exactly what they want out of life.

8. I've come to realize that money...if used wisely can change a lot of lives.

9. I've come to realize that people...seek for what they don't have rather than appreciating what they already have.

10. I've come to realize that I'll always be...selfless daughter, friend and lover.

(I've come to realize that question number 11 is missing)

12. I've come to realize that my mom...though not perfect is one of the best in this world. No questions asked about that.

13. I've come to realize that my cell phone...has been with me for 4 years now and that I bought it with my own savings, damn, it's high time I get a new one.

14. I've come to realize that when I woke up this morning...(evening for my case) that my sister has been playing the role of a big sis (talk about role reversal); making sure I have all my stuff ready and waking me up in time for dinner =).

15. I've come to realize that last night before I went to sleep...(last morning before I slept) that I'm so blessed having the kind of family that I have; the events of the morning makes me appreciate them all the more.

16. I've come to realize that right now I am thinking about...I'd rather keep that one to myself -sorry folks.

17. I've come to realize that my dad...will always be the greatest mentor of my life.

18. I've come to realize that when I get on Facebook...I only accept friend request, check notifications, read the status of others online, log out and back to work mode.

19. I've come to realize that today...will be a beautiful day! My day is just starting really.

20. I've come to realize that tonight...will be a slow night; coaching night for me.

21. I've come to realize that tomorrow will be...a fresh start- another day to correct the previous day's mistake and do better.

22. I've come to realize that I really want to...take a vacation with Anton.

(I've come to realize that Q23 is missing again - deliberately erased by Malou, I don't know).

24. I've come to realize that life...life is not always fair but it is still good and it has been good to me so far.

25. I've come to realize that this weekend...I'm torn between visiting Mel and her baby, or travelling south to see Sedneth or meet up with Yum or just stay home.

26. I've come to realize that my ex(es)...is someone I really cared a lot about but not love.

27. I've realized the best music to listen to when I am upset...is Bubbly by Colbie Cailat, I'm Yours by James Mraz and Home by Michael Bubble.

28. I've come to realize that my friends...will always be there for me no matter what and that they're bunch of very good people.

29. I've come to realize that the past year (2008)...has been a fruitful year for me.

30. I've come to realize that the last person i kissed...is so dear to me; she's always gonna be dear to me (my sister).

31. I've come to realize that when people walk out of my life...its either because they want to do so or I forced them to.

Happy Birthday Sweetie

Balloons, cakes and candles - I wish I'm with you to celebrate your birthday. How old are you again? Kidding Sweetie.

I love you with all my heart and there's no day that I'm not thankful for having you in my life. Wishing you good health, a happy life and may you get all your heart's wishes. Mwah!

Come Back To Me

Before one of my reader complains again about my blog is looking impoverish, I will write something. So yes, I'm trying to make up for last week since I wasn't able to write a single entry at all.

My sister can't stop singing about it over the weekend so there, LSS - last song syndrome. The song I'm referring to is that of David Cook entitled Come Back To Me (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SjMrxqo43RI).

I have pick some few lines that I personally liked and I find striking at the same time.

*** You say that you're becoming someone else
I dread the day that someone will say to me that he has to go because he don't like what he see when he look in the mirror and that he's becoming someone else...someone else in a bad way.

When we love someone, we want to pamper them with all the love that we have yet we fail to realize that we're already suffocating that person. Ahhh, suffocating love. It can be overwhelming at first and can be good initially but eventually it will caught up on you and before you know it, the relationship is becoming unhealthy. Dependency is parasitism not love and when our partner says he/she is becoming someone else he/she don't like in that matter, warning sign. Take a step back, perhaps even two.

***So i'll let you go, I'll set you free
We always do a little growing up everytime we do a little letting go. I've done my share of letting go and everytime I did, I'm discovering something new with myself. Letting go doesn't necessarily mean we are giving up, it can be giving the people involved time for themselves. The act sometimes also means we are saving ourselves, if its heading down the drain, pack up and leave. No use lingering around. I turn my back exactly a year and month ago with someone I really cared about and I didn't regret such because I found an amazing guy in return. Sometimes, we just have to let go because we deserve better; the time I realize that, I turn my back and glad that I never look back.

***I can't get close if your not there, I can't get inside if theres no soul to bear, I can't fix you i can't save you
This would be torture, having someone with you yet you know they are not really there with you and all there is left to do is to let go. Painful definitely but you do have any choice left?

***And when you see what you need to see, When you find you come back to me
Just beautiful line - it's selfless yet it is optimistic.

Weekend Nightmare

Not only did I miss going out last weekend (something that I badly wanted to do) but I also had fever and unimaginable pain caused by my wisdom tooth.

It started out Wednesday and I thought that I just need to have my regular 6th month dental cleaning thing. But Thursday, I started to notice that my teeth have been extremely sensitive and it was hard to eat already. Friday was my scheduled leave and I was starting to be feverish. As the hour passes, feverish turns to fever and my second molar started to hurt so badly I was crying in pain. My parents started to panic and drove to the 24 hour drugstore they can find to buy me some pain reliever. I'm not a fan of medicine and I think the feeling is mutual, they are not also fond of me. The first medicine that I took has no effect or whatsoever at all. Come Saturday morning, my mother got me another medicine and still to no avail and boy, it was one of my longest night to date.

Sunday morning, I tried another pain reliever and luckily it was effective. I was able to sleep soundly the entire night but my fever won't go away. Today, I went to my dentist again and ask for another prescription since last Saturday he was out of clinic due to some engagement (ain't I'm lucky?). He also did an X-ray on my teeth and turns out my second molar was the not the problem, it was perfectly fine rather it was my wisdom tooth that is pushing my last two molars and causing the tension and the pain. He referred me to another dentist who specializes on such cases but that person is still Manila so I still have to wait. He says that the pain is just occasional but to totally eradicate such concern it might be best to have my wisdom tooth removed.

The pain is gone now but I have to psyche myself before I schedule myself of having my wisdom tooth extracted (yikes, scary). I just have to get some rest so that my fever will completely go away.

I really don't mind having my wisdom tooth extracted, so far it's been nothing but a pain, it's not really giving me any piece of wisdom or whatsoever. Why do we call it wisdom tooth anyway when we can simply call it as molar? Hmmm, I'll ask my dentist some other time.