The Climb

I've been trying to divert my attention to all sorts of things lately. Thankfully I have good friends who can read between the lines and are giving me the diversion that I need. Jong is right, if I'm not tired I guess I would have dealt with this matters better but that is just not the case... I'm tired, I'm nearing my breaking point and I'm not okay. Oh I hate drama especially if I'm the one involved.

I've played this song countless of times lately and I simply love it (A song from an unlikely artist). It serves as a reminder for me of the bigger battles ahead and it kept me to remain very optimistic. It keeps me grounded that what I'm experiencing is nothing to what others are currently experiencing. That my struggles are totally nothing to what they have. That I have no right to complain at all. Sigh. I'm growing up indeed and growing up fast.

Here's some part of that song:

Every step I'm taking

Every move I make feels
Lost with no direction
My faith is shaking

But I gotta keep trying
Gotta keep my head held high

There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be a uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb

The struggles I'm facing
The chances I'm taking
Sometimes might knock me down
But no, I'm not breaking

I may not know it
But these are the moments that
I'm gonna remember most, yeah
Just gotta keep going

And I, I got to be strong
Just keep pushing on

Keep on moving, keep climbing
Keep the faith, baby
It's all about, it's all about the climb
Keep the faith, keep your faith, whoa

For Fun - Palm Reading

We have one supervisor that knows how to read palm. He pass by in our work station and he ended up reading our palms. Yum knows this place in Sorrento that offers this card reading stuff but I'm hesitant to give it a try. I feel that in one way or the other, it does affects your perception of the events in your life rather than events just unfolding on their own.

Anyway, everyone had their palm read so I give it a try this time. I got some interesting prediction. Lovelife: I have a long way to go, a couple more heartbreaks along the way. Career: I will pursue further studies and I'll make it big. Overall: I will live a very colorful life.

If you are going to ask me, this are vague predictions. Something that I can predict myself. Oh well, it was fun. =)

I Love Happy Endings

I love happy endings, well, who doesn't anyway?. When Mark told me that he intends to propose to his girlfriend I just can't contain my excitement. I give him a huge hug and said, FINALLY. I have been bugging him for quite sometime now but he keeps on giving me that grin and would say, "you go first Nang" and I would instantaneously roll my eyes.

I'm very happy to do him a favor and that is helping him pick the right engagement ring and I simply can wait. The next question I have for him is: Where are you going to propose? How are you going to do it? When is the big day? and he gave me that clueless smile (Why are guys like that?, I don't know).

All I can say is that, it's about time. Time to start a new chapter - a chapter that will be very colorful and needless to say, challenging - married life.

Bummer though, they want a long engagement. How long is long Mark? Quantify it please, give me specifics. Grrrr. Isn't it too obvious that I'm super excited about this thing?

Well to the soon to be engaged couple - my warmest Congratulations! =)

I Can't Thank You Enough

I'm amazed on how life has surprised me, amazed of the change one person can bring to me. He obviously doesn't know what he has done to me. I'm pretty sure of that. Pardon me if I sound so head over heels, but yes, I'm so head over heels in love with my Sweetie.

I had lots of questions when we were starting out. I was scared and I feared a lot of things. I was scared to start a new thing and fear that I might get my heart broken again (for real this time). The indestructible wall that has guarded me for so long was hard to let go but with him, I did let go of it. And it felt extremely nice to just let it go.

My sincerest thank you to you Anton for understanding me, for respecting me, and for loving me. With you, I'm striving to be a better individual. I'm working on to be a better girlfriend. Thank you for making me feel this wonderful thing. Thank you for walking in my life. I love you with all my heart.

Confession of the Day

Someone just made a big confession to me today. I love confessions, how I love the honest people of this world =). Anyways, she has been asking my opinion on the matter for quite sometime already and I have always encourage her to do the thing that will make her happy. The only reminder I have for her is to be safe and be responsible.

And OMG! That's all I can say with a big smile in my face. So happy for you girl! Cheers! Hehe.

Sipaway Getaway

Weekend was great. It was a break I badly needed considering I have a lot in mind (family stuff mostly). It was our teambuilding but I drag Sedneth and Lean along with me since the others drag their entire family and their boyfriend along (I wish mine was here so I can drag him along with me, hehe).

Here are some pics taken by Ron (as always it will take me months to upload the pictures that I have taken).

I Can't Say NO

How do eat your cake? Do you eat the best part first or you save the best for last? Just by the way one eats something, you can see how they discipline themselves.

Delaying gratification, that's how I usually discipline myself. Work should be done first before I give myself a reward. Why? I feel motivated to work as hard as I can when I know what's waiting for me after. If the reward comes first, I lose all my drive since I have nothing to get excited about after the doing all the work. Okay, I'm blabbering now, hehe. This post is not about delaying gratification but my ability to say NO. (I don't make much sense, do I?. Oh well.)

But if there is one thing that I cannot refuse or can't say no, that is helping "them". It's hard to say no when you know you are there last option, there last course of action, that they tried but somehow they always end up asking help with you. I have a big heart but I can't help but wonder at times if I'm doing the right thing or not. As Sed would have it, family will always be family. It's hard to turn your back on them. I sound as if I'm complaining about helping them, in a way I am complaining. I just wish they will more sensitive with me and with my parents. It's not like I'm earning a 6-digit pay every month. Oh well, I'll get by. Life is not always fair but it is still good. Nuff said.

That Thing Called Love

A lot has been written about love and many has play guru on the this subject matter but one can really be an expert on such a complex subject? I don't think so. But I'm going to share my thoughts on it anyway, what I can do, it is still undoubtedly the most interesting topic to discuss =).

Love has many faces, it takes various forms, it comes to you in varied ways. The only thing I know to ensure it will last is to constantly work it on...I saw that with my parents. Yes, work on it and both has to work on it not just one person. One can only do so much to fix the problem but it can be tiring to be the one constantly adjusting and trying to make both ends met.

Love requires a lot of trust. Once it's broken, it's tough to regain it back, but it can be done; it depends I guess on how forgiving and resilient to pain the person involved is. Me, that has yet to come, I don't know how forgiving and resilient I can be if my partner cheats on me. I can only hope I will be enough and that time will not come. It's like this, once your partner cheats on you, it seems that you always tip-toe around. You always watch your back and behind your mind, you will never get enough assurance that he won't do it again. Very tough.

I always believe that things are simple. It's the complexity of the individual involved and the decision to complicate things that makes it complex. Yes, there some people who really likes complicating things when they really shouldn't be.

You Know Who You Are

Other than Anton, she's the person I run to when I feel shitty. When I'm whining over silly stuff, she listens to me. When I'm troubled she gives me a shoulder to lean on. When I talk gibberish, she gives me an understanding look. When I call crying in the unholy hours of the day, she picks up and let me be. We can sit facing each other, no words needed yet knows what's running in my mind. With her, I don't have to pretend I'm strong when I'm not. With her around, I can be at my worst. She listens and understands. She accepts and don't judge me. She loves me unconditionally no matter how stupid and crazy I can get.

We have our moments of misunderstanding, moments when I judge you instead of being with you and that, I'm forever sorry.

I'm eternally grateful to have you in my life Sed and no matter what happens, you will always have me. Love yah!

My list of 25

Inspired by the list of my bestfriends... Let's see if I can come up with my own 25 list.

1. I sleep a lot - Nighttime or daytime I can sleep for long hours, no problem (it's one of my gift)
   
2. I can live on french fries alone - potatoes are my comfort food
   
3. I'm not a fan of make ups - I'll just have rash after use, no thanks.
   
4. I'm love wearing flip flops and short shorts - I even went out on a date once just wearing shorts and flip flops, you got to see the face of my date, lol.
   
5. I don't spray perfume/cologne - If I do so, it's very minimal (I'll just sneeze non-stop)
   
6. I love the beach so much or any body of water in that matter
   
7. All time favorite flavor of ice cream, Ube and Cookies&Cream
8. No matter how old my shoes are, long hours of usage would still give me blisters (grrrr)
   
9. Mosquitoes are attracted to me, hehe - My mother always complain why I have so many mosquito bites when she got none when in fact she's just sitting next to me (Papa and Lean also complain about the same thing, hehe).
   
10. Obsessive-compulsive - I have a thing for order
    
11. I love making list
    
12. I love seafoods - crabs, shrimps, scallops, of course fish =)
    
13. My ultimate favorite color would be BLUE
14. 2 ways to deal with stress - (1) Get a massage; (2) Get my nails done
    
15. I love pearls
    
16. I'm the girl scout of the group - My bag has all the things that you need (not always but most of the time)
    
17. I'm extremely loyal, driven, assertive and goal-oriented
    
18. Downright stubborn and blunt
    
19. First impression of me - friendly and talker but don't mess up with me - that's the last thing you want to do (I'm not bluffing)
    
20. Extremely protective of the people I love
    
21. I love making investments
    
22. Shy is the LAST word you want to associate with me
23. I'm a big flirt and a bigger tease - Sweetie, watch out!
    
24. I love kids - I'm pressured to have one by my parents, unbelievable!
25. I love dancing - FYI, I change the one that was previously written here.
    

There, I made it.

For my Sweetie

This weekend has been a long one but it was nothing but fulfilling. I had a great time with a great friend this weekend and the conversation that I shared with her has been full of tears, full of laughs, full of insights and full of appreciation to the love that I have now... Yes sweetie, this one is actually for you...

Let me tell you first how amazing he is.

• He has a demented sense of humor that no matter what you're talking about, if something strikes at him as funny he will make fun of it...certainly no dull moments with him.
• My mind is never idle with him - he can talk about anything there is, in short he has a great mind - love, friendship, songs, basketball, nuclear weapon, government, computers and a whole lot more, i think you get the picture - one second we are talking about some random stuff and before we know it, we are already talking on how we can make a difference as an individual. My brain is like a sponge, I learn something new everytime I talk to him...again, no boring time with my man, hehe.
• He supports me in everything that I want to do - he encourages me to be a better person, to go after what I want. He don't attempt to change me and simply takes me, the individual and the person that I am.
• It's nearly impossible to get him angry or annoy him, no wonder he can put up with my mood swings, with my crankiness and my quirks. When I get cranky, he just let me be.
• He loves my family and my close friends and so are they, hehe. It's important to me that my relationship has the blessing of all the people that I love and my man loves them back too or at least respect them as being part of my life. I don't want to date a guy that my parents will ban in our house or strongly oppose with. Neither do I want a guy that can't keep a harmonious relationship with them. I don't want to be caught in between and luckily I'm not.

My dearest Anton Liles, I love you so much. Thank you for making my life so colorful. The four months with you has been amazing. You bring out the other side of me that I never knew existed. We still don't know where this story of life takes us but I'm happy and thankful that you are a part of my life. I hope for more, just like you. Love you Sweetie =)

For my sisters by heart -> Aika and Audrey

Tears flooded at Bacolod airport this morning when Aika and Audrey boarded their plane going to Manila and off to Chicago. I tried hard not to cry but when Audrey hug me and she started weeping like a baby, tears just flow. They left for good and although it's sad, they will be better off there.

Finally, after years of waiting they will be with there mom in Chicago. It won't be easy starting a new life in a foreign land but it's something they have to do so that all three of them will be together.

To Aika and Audrey, you are welcome in our home anytime you feel like crashing Bacolod. You are part of the Pacheco family after all. And no goodbye, just see yah....we will see each other again for sure, it's not like you can't visit Bacolod right? hehe.

Why oh why

I hate it when I'm in my "why" mode. A state when I'm starting to question everything all of a sudden. When the answer to my question screams, I'm wasting my time and that I deserve so much better and that this is self-deprivation that I'm doing. This is reality check for me.

Sigh.

Patience. A word that I need to learn. I just find solace in the fact that time flies so fast and before I know it time is up.

Gossip Girl - Dan Humphrey

I have a self imposed restraining order with television until Easter Sunday, but this weekend I was so unsuccessful in keeping my supposed to be abstinence for Lent.

Hold and behold, I was able to finish the 18 episodes for the first season of Gossip Girl. I watch it with my sisters but it requires a lot of parental guidance. I enjoy most part of it especially those that has Penn Badgley - the intelligent, nice guy and the love interest of Serena. His character is not as interesting and as colorful as that of Chuck but then again, I like it...hehe.

Unlike Chuck and Blair, Dan and Serena seems to be not only a GG couple but also a real life couple...hmm, interesting. I got nothing to complain. They look good together.