10 Years After

Today, after so many years I went back to my primary school to be the guest speaker in their 30th closing exercise.

When I stepped in to my old school, lots of memories flood in not to mention the changes that had happened in the last 10 years. My old teacher that are once single are now happily married. Structure wise, many had changed as well (I'm happy to know that my old school has been a recipient of some funding from the government that enabled them to renovate the old building). I also bumped into some of my elementary classmates and boy, how I miss the old days of endless running in the playground. That school just like the other two, has a special place in my heart and I was holding back my tears as they ushered me to their hall where the ceremony will be held.

The speech was supposed to be simple yet direct. I know how kids react to speeches. They are boring and they are time consuming. I can relate very well since I used to complain about the same thing. But what meant to be a simple speech turn to be one of the most emotional speech I have ever given. As I walk towards the podium, the tears that I was holding the very first minute I stepped in just flow. I don't intend to give such an emotional speech but I guess that's a result if one talks from the heart rather than from the mind. There's always a first - and this is the first time that I cried in front of such an audience. Well, I wasn't the only one that cried, hehe... Thankfully I manage to give a joke and luckily everyone laugh.

It is indeed easier to talk to a bunch of professionals because all you have to do is appeal to their logic. But I realize today that it's not at all easy to talk and appeal to a child's heart. I guess the most rewarding part of this experience is seeing the smile on their faces both parents and children, that is somehow telling me that they understood what I'm trying to drive at and that I made perfect sense (I was worried for a minute that I was just blabbering but luckily, I didn't...whew!).

To the teachers - congratulations for a job well done. To the parents - congratulations and may you continue supporting your kids as they hurdle more challenges ahead. To the students - congratulations and rest assured that one day you will reap the fruits of your hardwork. See you after 10 years I guess. I hope you will not forget the challenge that I have given you guys.

To all the graduates, my warmest congratulations!

First Graduation Anniversary

On my way to work, I got a text message from Chia reminding us that today, March 31, 2009 is our first graduation anniversary. Time indeed flies fast. It has been a year since we graduated from college. For that one year, some of us have left the comforts of home and ventured into the uncertainty. Some have ventured out and then realized home is where they belong. Some just never left home like me for instance... well at least not yet.

In that one year much have happened. Major decisions have been made and characters have been tested. As always, it has been full of colors. In that one year, buckets of tears have been shed but more importantly, that one year has given us lots of realization of what the real world is all about. The real world as how we experience it and not just on how we just perceived it to be.

It has been a year of struggle on finding our niche in the bigger market. A year of trying to find that place for us where we can be at our best.

To my batchmates, no matter how little or how much we have accomplish, my congratulations to each one of you. I know we will have another great year ahead =)

Wake up Text

Monday, I received a beautiful quote from Anton and I'd like to share it with you. I actually thought that he authored it (hehe) but he said that's it from a movie "She's having a baby". Here's the quote:

"And in the end I realized I took more than I gave, was trusted more than I trusted, was loved more than I loved, and what I was looking for was not to be found, but to be made."

Paradox of our Time

It's one of those chain emails that was sent to me but if you are going to read through it, it has many salient points...worth reposting. To the author, thanks for sharing your insights.

The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider freeways, but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness.

We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom. We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.

We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life not life to years. We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor. We conquered outer space but not inner space. We've done larger things, but not better things.

We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We've conquered the atom, but not our prejudice. We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less. We've learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less.

These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes.These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill. It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom.

Remember, spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going to be around forever. Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn't cost a cent.

Remember, to say, "I love you" to your partner and your loved ones, but most of all mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside of you. Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person will not be there again. Give time to love, give time to speak, and give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind.

Early Morning Call

I woke up early today due to a call from a high school friend. As far as I can remember, there are 5 Psychology graduate from our batch; 3 are actually practicing ones so I was surprised when I got the call. Out of the 5 he picked to call me... perhaps, I was the lucky one.

He and his girlfriend just broke up (I'm not of course allowed to elaborate further than that) . We had a nice conversation and this is one of those moment when I feel that I made the right choice of taking up Psychology. Indeed, I want it and I need it. I want it to be able to better understand myself and I need it to be able to help others.

I was amused when after our talk he asked why I'm so quiet....I was like... because I'm not supposed to talk, I was supposed to listen. He give one of those happy laugh and said, I called the right person. It's one of the most rewarding remark that a friend can say to you.

We oftentimes think that if a person calls for help we have do something, that we have to fix their problems for them. What we fail to realize is that what matters is our presence, our just being there at that certain moment.

This is not exactly the best wake up call for me but then again it was a relief call to someone else so I guess I'll take it =) .

Remember, you always do a little growing up everytime you do a little letting go. At the end of the day, what matters is that you learn something and you come out as a better individual. All will be well in time my friend =).

Just in case you forget...

This will serve as a little reminder for you...

You know exactly what are the odds and the struggles of the relationship you are in. You know that it will not be easy. You know that it entails a lot of adjustments, compromise, understanding and patience. But then why this? It may be sound as if we are overreacting but think through it... I'm going to say it one more time, you have to get hold of yourself. If you want to vent your stress, think of a more positive ways to do so. It's going to be like this for quite sometime...

I hate repeating myself and I have no doubt that you can do better than what you are doing now. There are a lot of things that I can be wrong with but I know I'm right that you are a strong person and you can deal with this in a more healthy way. Are you trying to tell me that I'm wrong in believing in you? If you believe that this thing will work, why this?

Busy Bee

I have been very busy for the last week that I was not able to blog. I have been dying to do so mind you, but I just have to set it aside since my daily to-do list are always full (sigh). I'm still busy but I'm making time for it. If you want something done, you just have find time for it and get it done.

Weekend was good. After months of asking me to watch Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, I was able to sit down this morning and watch it. It's a must see, a beautiful film - anyone who wants to see it can borrow the DVD from me, hehe. I was also able to outline my speech after giving it much thought. And yes, you heard me right - I'm going to give a speech to the graduating elementary students of AMMSES next week. I'm deeply honored that they have asked me to do so and I want to be able to inspire this young kids so I'm giving it my best shot. I don't want to end up blabbering in front of my audience so I'm making sure I know exactly what I want to convey to them. So far so good. My weekend has been productive to say the least.

Janey once asked me...

Janey once asked me.. "How will a person know if it's really love?"... That long pause during our conversation explains that you are having a hard time answering my question. I know I have put you on the spot but what you said at that time will serve as a reminder for always.

It's indeed one of the toughest question I dared to ask myself. For people who really know me, you are witness of what I'm like when it comes relationship. I may sound so full of myself but truth is, they come and go. I was the type who never commits and chooses to settle for the 'now'. My parents have long awaited the day that I'll introduce them to that special person (sigh). As to my bestfriends, I'm getting used with the interrogating that they give me every time I mention a new name.

I know I have so much love to give and yet I was always skeptical if I am going to find that someone whose going to take care of me. I'm good in taking good care of others yet at times it's such a struggle to find someone who is going to take care of me. I have to look out for others yet no one is there to look out for me. And yes, I do feel alone and I do get tired.

How will a person know if it's really love? - I'd say, definition of love is highly relative. It varies from one person to the other. How will I know if this is really love - I'd tell you the reason some other time but one thing is for sure...i know it is!

Prom Night

I never get to go to one when I was in high school simply because our school administrators won't allow it. Simply put, we don't have PROM ever - not my batch nor the 40 plus batch before me and the 40 other batch after me. But in a way, I'm thankful that I didn't go to one. Saves my mom a lot of trouble needless to mention, the preparation is tideous.

Last Saturday, I attended the prom of Audrey or should I say, we (Me and Mel) babysit (hehe). Every high school student is excited about their prom. It's like the highlight of their high school life. I bet, the girls have already imagined the gowns that they are going to wear while the guys have practice how are they going to ask their dream girl out to be their prom date. It's a memorable night to most and after watching three prom (two of which Aika attended) I'm beginning to understand why.

I'm making a list of the things that makes this night truly unforgettable:

• Match make in heaven - You go out with the person you have been wanting to go out all these years (a crush from long ago; a boyfriend/girlfriend; you went out with the most beautiful girl/the most handsome guy in your batch)
• Mismatch - You go out with the least person you want to go out with; someone whose personality doesn't jive yours but since you are out of time to look for a date you said yes :(
• So alone - You went to your prom without a date; dateless in short (this works for me - I can grab the cutest guy there is, lol)
• You made a scene either by dropping the vase where the beautiful red roses are, trip while walking and you almost fell down on the stage (thanks to your partner for catching you)
• You got blister all over your feet since you are not used to wearing heels and since you can't bare it no more; you walk around the party hall barefoot (love it! - I would have done the same, hehe).
  
• You and your boyfriend had just a fight, so you spend the entire night frowning (When you're in front of the camera smile, why ruin the night?)
  
• Your beautiful gown was ruined sometime during the night - may it be the petticoat, the zipper, the button, in the case of Auds - the lining of her dress.

Overall, I guess it's the mixed emotion of anticipation, of fidgeting, of excitement, of curiosity, of nervousness that makes this night a special night.

Payback time

Sed and Love, I just have to give it to you - thanks for making me cry these days (hehe). I have noticed that we are making it a habit to write about each other (goes to show how much we missed the old days and each one). I have originally intended to comment on what Sed have to say in her first post but decided instead to write a little something to the two of you. I guess, it's payback time.

Sedneth and Lovelyn - the baby and the denial queen.

Sed, thank you for bringing out the kid in me. If there is one person who can convince me in a snap that would be you. It's always a struggle refusing to your whims. When you want something out of me, you get it, no sweat. But aside from that, not to many people know how deep you can get. You always say that you learn from me, that you listen to me because I always make sense and I seem to know best; newflash - you have taught me valuable lessons without you knowing it. You have taught me to trust amidst the uncertainty, to face tomorrow heads on, and to be brave. With you, I don't have to explain myself and I don't have to justify my actions. You take me as me - stubborn, brat, impulsive, straightforward (plus by tendency to be tackless), impatient - as you would always have, it's either that or no Jane at all...with that, thank you so much and I love you to death (hehe).

Lovelyn - if there is one person in the group who knows my family struggles, it would be you. (that's your niche when it comes to me). I guess, I find it easy to talk to you about family stuff because in one way or another you have been through with the things I have gone through. How we resent some of our relatives, how we feel abuse by some of them, how we feel bad that our parents are gone appreciated after all the things that they have done for these people, how we feel alone in our struggles at times... More than that, you know also my fears. You keep me realistic and logical when I'm losing it. You are the person that I go to when I need some reality check. You keep me grounded. Love, thanks for everything and I love you so much.

Our denominator

This is in response to Lovelyn's blog. I told you that I'll answer your question here. So here is my thought on that interesting post of yours. Wink*

I think the denominator is that, simply put, we are a bunch of crazy girls. Our personalities are so varied yet we have managed to complement each other. We sure make up some odd group - One is such a child in so many ways; the other is highly introspective and witty; one has this motherly charm, the other is such a lady (prim and proper and all that) and the last one, well, she is just point blank straight and assertive. This, as I always said is a friendship that others have envied a lot. I have told this so many times but let me say it one more time - the road of life can and may take me anywhere but you guys will always have me - remember that for always.

Some comments though - Do I have the most guys? I don't think so. Love, you are denying it again. Lol! And, I know all about the CCBPI moment of you and Sed, I just hope that you have deleted that video of me with you know who. You and Sed sure have some imagination (why don't you two make a career on creative writing, I think you'll do a great job on it). Another is, it's not only me and Lyka who stalked Richard (Opps, did I just mention his name..haha), I remember that you guys went along with my craziness also not just her. Ble!

I miss my Meangirls too but always remember - Janey loves you! :)

Have you tried doing something reckless lately?

Have you tried doing something reckless lately?

Have I? Answer: NO.

I have never been reckless at all in my 22 years of existence. But now, thinking through it - I think it would be nice even just for once to do one reckless thing. Something reckless and life changing. Reckless enough to be unforgettable. Hmmm, what could it be?.

Suggestions anyone?

Reaction from Yum:
Yummy Caliston says:
Janey, i think you have been reckless man bala (*been reckless in a way). Just read your blog.
(I won't tell you the instances that she cited that I would have been reckless in a way).

Reaction from Love:
Lovelyn Poda says: from Merriam..
Lovelyn Poda says: 1 : marked by lack of proper caution : careless of consequences
2 : irresponsible
Lovelyn Poda says: meaning of reckless..
Lovelyn Poda says:
I'll stick with my statement above..
Lovelyn Poda says:
impulsive ka jane.. but not reckless.. (You're impulsive but not reckless)

Resolution: I think I'll stick to being impulsive since I'm doing a good job on being one, right Love? (Reckless = Irresponsible = not Jane; Impulsive = Jane).

Toxic

Exams of my sisters are coming;
Lean needs to pass the qualifying so that she can get into the major that she wants;
Aika has no other choice but to pass or else she won't be able to graduate (crossing my finger);
Auds is having some eating disorder stint (keeps throwing up after meal);
Her prom is also coming up, I have to baby sit.
I hope I don't need to go to their school - I hope they know how to read a simple request letter, (But knowing them, I won't be surprise if I need to go there to make some arrangements so that the girls can get their report card ahead of time).
Oh, I'm also struggling with our new form. Change is good (don't get me wrong) but these one is turning me to be unproductive.
Bottom performers? - Yeah, I heard they need help. So do I. (You will need to wait- I can't coach you when I'm-so-not-into-it, trust me, I don't make sense when I'm in that mood).
Remote is also acting up (Just great, simply great!)
Lastly, I lack sleep.

I'm preoccupied with stuff to do. My patience is tested (not that this is my strongest asset ever). I'm annoyed about the redundancy. Pissed that they can't seem to see how illogical this form is (It's turning my brain into some useless matter). Hate that they are asking me to waste my time on some spoon feeding email. In short, I'm being pushed on my limits.

What a toxic day and to top it all, it's the first day of the week!

I need some form of motivation to get me going for the entire week because I'm sure this will be a long week for me.

Mind over matter. Mind over matter. Mind over matter.

See Your Smile

I, get a little tongue twisted
Every time I talk to you
When I see you
And Im so glad that you just missed it
The way I stared to memorize your face
To kiss you in my mind
Love you all the time
cause when I close my eyes
I still can see your smile
Its bright enough to light my life
Out of my darkest hour
Please believe its true
When I tell you I love you

Ive taken too many chances
Searching for the truth in love
Thats in my heart
Tell me if I made the wrong advances
Tell me if Ive made you feel ashamed
cause I know I have to do this
Would you hold my hand right through it
cause when I close my eyes
I still can see your smile
Its bright enough to light my life
Out of my darkest hour
Please belive its true
When I tell you I love you

I had to let you know
Just what would happen
Yes, I had to let you know the truth
I know Ive got to do this
Would you hold my hand right through it
Would you
cause when I close my eyes
I still can see your smile
Its bright enough to light my life
Out of my
Darkest hour
Please believe its true
When I tell you I love you
I know now this is true
When I tell you I love you

This is a song by Gloria Estefan. I fall in love with this song the first time I heard it. How did I found out about this song? Ask Anton. Hehe.