At Twenty Three

Dear God,

Thank you for giving me another year. Thank you for my great friends. Thank you for my supportive parents. Thank you for giving me a thoughtful sister. Thank for my crazy co-workers. Thank you for the strangers I meet everyday. Thank you for Anton. Thank you for blessing me all these years.

You have given me much and have always guide me and I thank you so much. But dear God, I have one birthday wish this year. I've been storming heavens lately for you to make this come true and we are working on it too... Fulfill my hearts desire, our hearts desire. I know in your own time you will make it happen but please, I hope it's soon.

Amen.

Your child,

Janey

Is Your Man Sensitive Enough?

She and I haven't talk for sometime already. Last time we did she almost broke down in tears. I dismissed it, although I was tempted to ask what's going on after she shot me a look. Obviously, she don't want to talk about it in front of her boyfriend.

Today like almost every single day is a slow day. I asked her to go out and have lunch with me. The moment we settled, she explained to me what was happening to her relationship. I sat there, attentively listening to their issues.

Issue#1: He don't listen to me. If I say something, he always think I am overreacting and that I'm being childish. I rather keep my mouth shut because if I attempt to explain what's going on, he thinks I am complaining again.

My partner always say that the best thing about us is that we communicate. Very true. We have our moment of misunderstanding(who doesn't) but we solved it right away by talking about it. Avoiding the issue won't help. I have my moments of irrationality and when I do so, I feel like it would be better if I hide things from him. Sometimes, I feel that I can resolved it on my own or the ill feelings will go away after a day. I am mistaken in ever thinking that. I don't feel any better if I hide things from him. In fact, I was never successful of hiding things from him. At the end of day, what makes me feel better is that we talk about what every petty things I feel. We objectively discuss familial and work concerns.

You see, it's not overreacting or being childish if you say your concern. If it is and you maintain an open relationship, your partner will certainly tell you. If you are going overboard and the issues you are whining about our baseless, he will tell you. If he is really concern and wants to resolved your issue right, he will listen to you first and not just dismiss you without hearing what you have to say.

Issue#2: If I'm quiet, he thinks I am mad at him already without asking how I am in the first place. Sometimes, I am having a bad day due to familial problems and he don't even asked.

If your partner doesn't ask about anything else in your life, I'd say it's a major concern. It's like, I like you but I am not interested anything other than including your family and friends. Relationship is a partnership. Make your partner understand that you are not asking them to resolved your issue for them but at least, do listen. Sometimes, all it takes is a good listener for you to be able to think clearly and work on the problem efficiently.

It takes time to discuss personal matter. I know that from experience. But my partner always encourage me that it's okay and that he respects if it's hard for me to be open for the time being. Yet, he never made me feel that my problems are just my problems. He never makes me feel that I'm alone even though I don't tell him right away my concerns. He always provide me a venue where I can bare my soul without being judged.

Once you cultivate that kind of atmosphere in your relationship, everything goes smoothly. If he is having a bad day, I can tell. If he is stressed out, I would know. If something is bothering him, we sit down and talk about it. For the last 13 months and considering we are in a long distance relationship, we never had a fight. The key, he is sensitive to my needs and I'd like to think I am too.

Issue#3: Our past issues are often put aside without fully resolving them. So a slight trigger will bring back the old issue to the surface. It just don't get resolved at all.

Ignoring and pretending a certain incident did not happened when they actually did is trouble. They will keep coming back in the surface. Acknowledging the issue is the very first step of resolving it. It will just be a cycle really.

Issue#4: I'm a movie buddy, window shopping friend, tag-a-long girlfriend to trips. We don't talk about our families, we never have intimate talk like other couples have. I even don't feel comfortable buying some house stuff if I am with him.

Boy oh boy. If you don't talk anything intimate or personal, can you even call that a relationship? I call that friendship but even in friendship at some point you will be able to talks things openly. And if he only wants you because he needs a movie date, someone who will go with him at the mall or someone he can bring to trips, it's good but you luck one important element... intimacy. And sooner or later, you will start looking for it and that's where bigger issues springs.

Time and again I kept saying that I am more than lucky, I am blessed because I am in love with a very good man.

The answer to my question: Is my man sensitive enough... very, that's why we are very happy together.

First Reaction

First Reaction. Type what comes to your mind first whenever you hear these 40 words. Don't think and don't go back and change. Doesn't matter how random, just type it!

1. Beer: limit - 4 bottles (a very cold one please)
2. Anorexic: I pity them
3. Relationship: Great!
4. Your Last Ex: What ex are you talking about?
5. Power Rangers: Kimberly and Jason (Pink and Red Rangers)
6. Weed: Ugh, poison
7. Smoking: Government warning: Cigarette smoking is dangerous to your health.
8. Life: Tough but beautiful
9. The President: Greedy
10. Dreams: Everyone has to got one
11. Cars: Fast
12. Gas Prices: Up
13. Halloween: Trick or Treat
14. Bon Jovi: Sleeping child
15. Transvestites: Entertaining
16. Myspace: Unused and deleted
17. Worst fear: Losing my loved ones
18. Marriage: Something that I strongly believe in
19. Paris Hilton: Heir
20. Brunettes: Love the hair color
21. Redheads: Better than blonde hair
22: Politics: I'm apathetic, sorry
23: Work: Stable
24. One night stands: No thanks
25: Cell Phone: Motorola
26: High school: Learned so many things
27. Pajamas: Comfy
28. Woods: Tiger? Unfaithful
29. Wet Socks: Laundry
30. Alcohol: Margarita please
31. Undies: Lacy and skimpy
32. Your best friend: Hilarious and crazy
33. Money: Enough to get by
34. Heartache: Occasional, seasonal
35. Love: Sweetie
36. Time: Can't stop it
37. Divorce: I don't believe in them
38. Today: Fresh start
39. Yesterday: Is another day gone forever
40. You: You make everything alright =)

I Find It Rather Amusing

Let's just say, I pay good attention to the littlest thing there is and I just want to write about this one thing that I find rather amusing. I mean, how hard it is to actually say that you don't want to discuss certain things for the time being?

You see, none discussion of certain topics can be brought about by a couple of good reasons. I know because I experienced this. Sometimes, the issue is just too complicated so the person would want to sort things out first. Or the person is deeply affected by the matter on hand. Or she is simply buying time, don't know how to verbalize certain things and would like to think through it. But the worst you can do is make that person feel that you avoiding the topic.

Some people like to hear excuses, the beating-around-the-bush kind of game. While some prefer the blunt truth. I prefer the latter, I'd like the let-us-hear-it-now-so-we-can-get-over-this-thing. But then again, that's just really the logical me talking. The illogical me would say, cut the crap and save those excuses to yourself.

A New Beginning

I don't know what's with New Year but it always give me a renewed enthusiasm. With every closing of year, I have this renewed spirit to just be better and just do better in the coming year. And although I know that I really don't need to wait for the year end to make all those resolution list which I never get around of doing anyway, still, I have a few things that I bear in mind before the year starts.

2009 taught me to be patient, to wait, to not rush. 2010, I will be more patient and let things takes it course. It must be of good reason why I don't always get the things that I want or things don't work out the way I think it will be. I can't expect people to think the way I think, for them to operate the way I operate, so let it be.

2009 taught me so much about family and responsibility. 2010, my learning continues.

2009 showed me how great real friends are. 2010, cultivate the friendship for these are the people that accepts me, supports me, understands me, cares for me, loves me no matter how crazy I can get.

2009 showed me what real love is...the kind and unconditional one. The one that never judge, the one that embraces all your faults. Through the course of that journey, I learned so much about myself. 2010, countless possibilities...

I hope that with every new beginning given to me I'll be a better me.