Janey once asked me...

Janey once asked me.. "How will a person know if it's really love?"... That long pause during our conversation explains that you are having a hard time answering my question. I know I have put you on the spot but what you said at that time will serve as a reminder for always.

It's indeed one of the toughest question I dared to ask myself. For people who really know me, you are witness of what I'm like when it comes relationship. I may sound so full of myself but truth is, they come and go. I was the type who never commits and chooses to settle for the 'now'. My parents have long awaited the day that I'll introduce them to that special person (sigh). As to my bestfriends, I'm getting used with the interrogating that they give me every time I mention a new name.

I know I have so much love to give and yet I was always skeptical if I am going to find that someone whose going to take care of me. I'm good in taking good care of others yet at times it's such a struggle to find someone who is going to take care of me. I have to look out for others yet no one is there to look out for me. And yes, I do feel alone and I do get tired.

How will a person know if it's really love? - I'd say, definition of love is highly relative. It varies from one person to the other. How will I know if this is really love - I'd tell you the reason some other time but one thing is for sure...i know it is!

Prom Night

I never get to go to one when I was in high school simply because our school administrators won't allow it. Simply put, we don't have PROM ever - not my batch nor the 40 plus batch before me and the 40 other batch after me. But in a way, I'm thankful that I didn't go to one. Saves my mom a lot of trouble needless to mention, the preparation is tideous.

Last Saturday, I attended the prom of Audrey or should I say, we (Me and Mel) babysit (hehe). Every high school student is excited about their prom. It's like the highlight of their high school life. I bet, the girls have already imagined the gowns that they are going to wear while the guys have practice how are they going to ask their dream girl out to be their prom date. It's a memorable night to most and after watching three prom (two of which Aika attended) I'm beginning to understand why.

I'm making a list of the things that makes this night truly unforgettable:

• Match make in heaven - You go out with the person you have been wanting to go out all these years (a crush from long ago; a boyfriend/girlfriend; you went out with the most beautiful girl/the most handsome guy in your batch)
• Mismatch - You go out with the least person you want to go out with; someone whose personality doesn't jive yours but since you are out of time to look for a date you said yes :(
• So alone - You went to your prom without a date; dateless in short (this works for me - I can grab the cutest guy there is, lol)
• You made a scene either by dropping the vase where the beautiful red roses are, trip while walking and you almost fell down on the stage (thanks to your partner for catching you)
• You got blister all over your feet since you are not used to wearing heels and since you can't bare it no more; you walk around the party hall barefoot (love it! - I would have done the same, hehe).
  
• You and your boyfriend had just a fight, so you spend the entire night frowning (When you're in front of the camera smile, why ruin the night?)
  
• Your beautiful gown was ruined sometime during the night - may it be the petticoat, the zipper, the button, in the case of Auds - the lining of her dress.

Overall, I guess it's the mixed emotion of anticipation, of fidgeting, of excitement, of curiosity, of nervousness that makes this night a special night.

Payback time

Sed and Love, I just have to give it to you - thanks for making me cry these days (hehe). I have noticed that we are making it a habit to write about each other (goes to show how much we missed the old days and each one). I have originally intended to comment on what Sed have to say in her first post but decided instead to write a little something to the two of you. I guess, it's payback time.

Sedneth and Lovelyn - the baby and the denial queen.

Sed, thank you for bringing out the kid in me. If there is one person who can convince me in a snap that would be you. It's always a struggle refusing to your whims. When you want something out of me, you get it, no sweat. But aside from that, not to many people know how deep you can get. You always say that you learn from me, that you listen to me because I always make sense and I seem to know best; newflash - you have taught me valuable lessons without you knowing it. You have taught me to trust amidst the uncertainty, to face tomorrow heads on, and to be brave. With you, I don't have to explain myself and I don't have to justify my actions. You take me as me - stubborn, brat, impulsive, straightforward (plus by tendency to be tackless), impatient - as you would always have, it's either that or no Jane at all...with that, thank you so much and I love you to death (hehe).

Lovelyn - if there is one person in the group who knows my family struggles, it would be you. (that's your niche when it comes to me). I guess, I find it easy to talk to you about family stuff because in one way or another you have been through with the things I have gone through. How we resent some of our relatives, how we feel abuse by some of them, how we feel bad that our parents are gone appreciated after all the things that they have done for these people, how we feel alone in our struggles at times... More than that, you know also my fears. You keep me realistic and logical when I'm losing it. You are the person that I go to when I need some reality check. You keep me grounded. Love, thanks for everything and I love you so much.

Our denominator

This is in response to Lovelyn's blog. I told you that I'll answer your question here. So here is my thought on that interesting post of yours. Wink*

I think the denominator is that, simply put, we are a bunch of crazy girls. Our personalities are so varied yet we have managed to complement each other. We sure make up some odd group - One is such a child in so many ways; the other is highly introspective and witty; one has this motherly charm, the other is such a lady (prim and proper and all that) and the last one, well, she is just point blank straight and assertive. This, as I always said is a friendship that others have envied a lot. I have told this so many times but let me say it one more time - the road of life can and may take me anywhere but you guys will always have me - remember that for always.

Some comments though - Do I have the most guys? I don't think so. Love, you are denying it again. Lol! And, I know all about the CCBPI moment of you and Sed, I just hope that you have deleted that video of me with you know who. You and Sed sure have some imagination (why don't you two make a career on creative writing, I think you'll do a great job on it). Another is, it's not only me and Lyka who stalked Richard (Opps, did I just mention his name..haha), I remember that you guys went along with my craziness also not just her. Ble!

I miss my Meangirls too but always remember - Janey loves you! :)

Have you tried doing something reckless lately?

Have you tried doing something reckless lately?

Have I? Answer: NO.

I have never been reckless at all in my 22 years of existence. But now, thinking through it - I think it would be nice even just for once to do one reckless thing. Something reckless and life changing. Reckless enough to be unforgettable. Hmmm, what could it be?.

Suggestions anyone?

Reaction from Yum:
Yummy Caliston says:
Janey, i think you have been reckless man bala (*been reckless in a way). Just read your blog.
(I won't tell you the instances that she cited that I would have been reckless in a way).

Reaction from Love:
Lovelyn Poda says: from Merriam..
Lovelyn Poda says: 1 : marked by lack of proper caution : careless of consequences
2 : irresponsible
Lovelyn Poda says: meaning of reckless..
Lovelyn Poda says:
I'll stick with my statement above..
Lovelyn Poda says:
impulsive ka jane.. but not reckless.. (You're impulsive but not reckless)

Resolution: I think I'll stick to being impulsive since I'm doing a good job on being one, right Love? (Reckless = Irresponsible = not Jane; Impulsive = Jane).

Toxic

Exams of my sisters are coming;
Lean needs to pass the qualifying so that she can get into the major that she wants;
Aika has no other choice but to pass or else she won't be able to graduate (crossing my finger);
Auds is having some eating disorder stint (keeps throwing up after meal);
Her prom is also coming up, I have to baby sit.
I hope I don't need to go to their school - I hope they know how to read a simple request letter, (But knowing them, I won't be surprise if I need to go there to make some arrangements so that the girls can get their report card ahead of time).
Oh, I'm also struggling with our new form. Change is good (don't get me wrong) but these one is turning me to be unproductive.
Bottom performers? - Yeah, I heard they need help. So do I. (You will need to wait- I can't coach you when I'm-so-not-into-it, trust me, I don't make sense when I'm in that mood).
Remote is also acting up (Just great, simply great!)
Lastly, I lack sleep.

I'm preoccupied with stuff to do. My patience is tested (not that this is my strongest asset ever). I'm annoyed about the redundancy. Pissed that they can't seem to see how illogical this form is (It's turning my brain into some useless matter). Hate that they are asking me to waste my time on some spoon feeding email. In short, I'm being pushed on my limits.

What a toxic day and to top it all, it's the first day of the week!

I need some form of motivation to get me going for the entire week because I'm sure this will be a long week for me.

Mind over matter. Mind over matter. Mind over matter.

See Your Smile

I, get a little tongue twisted
Every time I talk to you
When I see you
And Im so glad that you just missed it
The way I stared to memorize your face
To kiss you in my mind
Love you all the time
cause when I close my eyes
I still can see your smile
Its bright enough to light my life
Out of my darkest hour
Please believe its true
When I tell you I love you

Ive taken too many chances
Searching for the truth in love
Thats in my heart
Tell me if I made the wrong advances
Tell me if Ive made you feel ashamed
cause I know I have to do this
Would you hold my hand right through it
cause when I close my eyes
I still can see your smile
Its bright enough to light my life
Out of my darkest hour
Please belive its true
When I tell you I love you

I had to let you know
Just what would happen
Yes, I had to let you know the truth
I know Ive got to do this
Would you hold my hand right through it
Would you
cause when I close my eyes
I still can see your smile
Its bright enough to light my life
Out of my
Darkest hour
Please believe its true
When I tell you I love you
I know now this is true
When I tell you I love you

This is a song by Gloria Estefan. I fall in love with this song the first time I heard it. How did I found out about this song? Ask Anton. Hehe.